You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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