Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize