This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
