I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
