I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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