I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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