i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
