can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
