every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
