Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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