Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
