I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
