fuck your aforementioned shoe
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
