i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
