she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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