if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
