So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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