Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
