I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
