at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
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WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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