i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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