WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
