you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
