I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
