she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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