I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
