just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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