Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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