i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
