you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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