it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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