I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
