I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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