I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
