This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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