Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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