So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
