Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
