if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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