You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
