And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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