i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
