Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Two words: nipple clamps
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