how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
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they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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