Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
