Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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