if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
