Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
