I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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