Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
