Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
