Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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