While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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