just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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