I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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