Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
