who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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