New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
