apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
